Hello Everyone!!!! I hope this blog finds you well. I woke up to another beautiful New England morning. Here it is, August 6th, in Baltimore, when you officially give up trying to look “Hot” and just realize you look hooooooot. The humidity this time of year, courtesy of the Chesapeake Bay, gives August a new level of ick! Yet here I sit in my office, no AC needed as it is only 70 degrees. It is a wonderful day!

My wife works about a six-hour drive from our house, so we spend a LOT of time apart. Good thing I love doing solitary endeavors like writing, or this would drive me NUTS!!! Additionally, I was married previously to a soldier who did tours in Iraq and Bosnia during the course of our marriage, and while in Germany would go away for field maneuvers for 4 weeks every 3 months, so living away from my partner has never been an issue for me. Again, I think I was created for this lifestyle as I spent so many of my growing years with my nose in a book.

Please forgive my tangent. I swear I am leading somewhere, and thank you for coming along with me while I take the scenic route. So, anywho, one of my and my wife’s favorite thing to do is to talk first thing in the morning. During the week, it is a 10-minute conversation as she is about to leave for work, and for me, it is my good morning wake-up call. On weekends, it tends to be a longer conversation, and the places our conversations go is amazing. This is one of those mornings where the conversation took us to wonderful places.

We started talking about the three cats I came into our relationship with, two of which passed on. My wife asked if our current house was the favorite place those three cats lived due to the space. So I started going down the list of cats I have adopted and the different places that were their favorites. As conversations often do, I allowed one topic to easily flow into another. Sometimes that works; other times it leaves people wondering, WTF is she talking about?!?!?!?!?! This time, it worked.

I started talking about how I was different in each of the places I had lived after my divorce and where I was working at the time. I had a job working for a construction company for ten years and left that job shortly after meeting my wife. Our conversation went to how I was asked out by a few of the guys that worked there and by the owner telling me that he was gonna find the right man for me to get me to change back to the “Dark Side.” Now, as a woman who was around Army guys and hung out with a ton of male friends, I have always been the kind that doesn’t mind typical guy talk. However, I never in a million years thought that I would have to deal with being asked out. I was not in the best place mentally at the time, so thinking that would happen had never been farther from my mind. However, one day a worker came into my office, asking for a friend if I dated guys that weren’t white. I told him that he had asked the wrong question. When he looked at me questionably, I told him, “You should have asked if I dated guys. That answer is no.” I could tell I had shocked him, and he just kind of scampered away.

As I was talking to my wife this morning, I realized how lucky I was that I had an easy out such as this for being asked out. Then I started thinking of it more. This was not a gentleman I would have dated even if I was straight. This person had some personal habits that I found incompatible with someone I would date. As I started turning this in my mind, I began to get a bit more animated.

I am gonna put this out there for everyone, male or female, straight, gay, or however else you identify yourself, do not ask anyone out that you work with. Let’s think about this.

Let’s look at an example. I will go old school and look at two people named Dick and Jane. Dick and Jane work for the same big company, on the same floor, in different departments. Jane finds Dick attractive and starts flirting with him. For whatever reason, Dick isn’t interested. Doesn’t matter why he isn’t interested, he just isn’t. Although Dick may feel some flattery, he is not interested. Jane understands and doesn’t pursue further. Now, because this was squashed so easily, no one needed to get HR involved. So this is the perfect scenario, correct? Well, let’s call this the best-case scenario. What this leaves is an uncomfortableness whenever Dick and Jane are alone, whether it is in a breakroom, in a conference room, or just happen to be the two first or last people in the office. This now creates an environment where everything is under a microscope. Dick has an issue with some of the work that Jane is doing? You are just trying to get rid of her because she asked you out. Jane may even feel as if she is being targeted by Dick simply because she asked him. Jane now risks that every person that works at the workplace now asking her to go out. Even in the best-case scenarios, certainly there is still so much potential for disastrous effects.

“But that’s how my _____________ met,” you may say. Well, good for them. Eventually someone wins the mega millions, no matter the odds. Especially if you say that is how your parents or grandparents met, this is no longer a valid excuse. In your parents and grandparents time, there wasn’t internet or if you are young enough that your parents did have this avenue, it was a pretty weird place in the 90’s to early 2000. Now we have much safer, better options. And let’s face it. If you are meant to be with the person you work with, you will find each other in other spots such as on an online dating spot. Then, you are still in danger. No matter how great the beginnings are, always know that if the relationship ends, you may also have to end your employment. Breakups can go from one extreme to another. If it is a pleasant, mutual breakup, you will still have to deal with not only the rumor mill, but also with invasive questions. If it is an emotionally devastating breakup, is it a smart mental move to torture yourself everyday with having to act normal around something so painful?

As we become a bit more enlightened with how things affect different people thanks to social media such as Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, it also gives us the responsibility to look at things from different perspectives. Now, if you constantly worry about offending people, you will offend people more. If not worrying about how people will take your comments, No matter where your intentions may lie, they will only hear how it is said.

My cat has now come and laid on my arm so I must bid you all farewell. And Adley says purrrrrpurrrrrrrpurrrr